


Tumblr Prompts

by barsonaddict



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, F/M, Ficlets, Fluff, tumblr ask meme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-05-06
Packaged: 2018-05-28 07:42:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 8,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6320539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barsonaddict/pseuds/barsonaddict
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of Barson ficlets from prompts on tumblr.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Wrong Number

**Author's Note:**

> This was a prompt from raul-e-esparza. 
> 
> 16\. Oh... Sorry omg wrong number

He mumbles hello into the phone automatically, still basically asleep, eyes closed. After being on call basically 24 hours a day his entire career, it's second nature. 

The honeyed, slightly tipsy voice on the other end of the line is a welcome change from his usual middle of the night callers. 

"Hey Baby. Sorry to wake you up but I'm so lonely here without you. I got used to feeling your arms around me when I'm having trouble sleeping."

He blinks a few times; this is definitely new. He's not seeing anyone seriously at the moment, hasn't been sleeping in the same bed as someone else regularly for quite awhile. 

He clears his throat, trying to gather enough brain power at 2am to correct the nice lady on the other end. She's clearly missing someone specific. But before he can say anything, she continues. 

"I'm sorry about earlier. I know you are just trying to look out for me but I can take care of myself! I carry a gun for God's sake!" 

Something about the voice is familiar, starting to break through the fog that is his sleep deprived brain. It's just as she starts in on what she wants him to say to relax her so she can fall asleep when he thinks to check the caller ID. 

"Liv?!?!" he practically shouts and sits up suddenly, dropping the phone. Frantically trying to choose between hanging up immediately to bleach his brain and setting her straight first lest she hit redial and start all over again, he returns the phone to his ear. 

Horrified rambling can be heard coming through the speaker. "Ohmygod Fin I'm so sorry I obviously have the wrong number, I'm so sorry I didn't mean to call you and say THAT. Please tell me you're talking in your sleep and will not remember this in the morning."

Fin sighs heavily. "Babygirl. Calm down. I will never speak of this again if you promise to double check who you're calling from now on."

Olivia replies meekly, "I promise."

"Good. Now call Barba- that's with a 'B', not a 'T', and bring me coffee and donuts for breakfast for a week."

Without waiting for a reply he hangs up and falls back into his pillows. After a few minutes he sighs again and reaches over to the side table for the TV remote. 

"Why doesn't she just watch infomercials when she can't sleep like the rest of the world? Damn girl," he grumbles to himself, turning over and punching a pillow, settling in to learn about the newest fitness craze.


	2. What do you mean you're not attractive?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt 32 from raul-e-esparza: What do you mean you're not attractive?

"Well I certainly wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers."

Laughing, Rafael says, "Excuse me? What does that even mean?"

Olivia smiles. "It basically means that they're so attractive you would put up with cracker crumbs in your sheets."

"I better pick something else for my late night snacks then," he says, chuckling self-deprecatingly. He's moving around her bedroom getting ready for bed. 

Olivia joins in his laughter until she realizes he's actually serious. How can this man not know how handsome he is? 

"Rafi," she says in a quiet voice. "Come here." 

He's managed to remove his blazer, tie, vest and pants, and is currently fiddling with the cuff links on his dress shirt and is still wearing his boxer briefs. He gives her a look and raises his hands slightly, indicating his continued struggle with the finicky items, so Liv gets out of bed and moves over to where he is. 

Silently she undoes the cuff links, and reached around him to drop them on her dresser in the shallow bowl where she keeps her everyday things: her watch, badge, necklaces and rings. 

Then she undoes the buttons on his shirt and slides it off his shoulders, tossing it into her laundry basket. They've only been doing this 'thing' a few months now, but he has seamlessly slid into her life. She's trying not to hurry things along, but it feels like she's finally getting the family she's always wanted. 

Rafael leans in and gives her a gentle kiss, murmuring his thanks in her ear, then releases her and steps back to head into the bathroom. Olivia grabs for his hand though, stopping him. 

"I'm not through with you yet, Señor," she teases, running her hands under his under shirt and up his back, taking the shirt off in the process. 

She steps back to take him in- always a little surprised at how defined he is, those suits do not do his upper body justice. She feels she should tip his tailor though- his pants always accentuate his ass perfectly. 

Rafael scoffs at her blatant attempt to fuel his self-esteem. "I'm not an insecure teenager, Liv. I'm comfortable with my body, and you've seen every inch of me and haven't seemed repulsed yet." He shakes her arms off his and goes into the bathroom to brush his teeth. "I'm just realistic. I have enough other things going for me, I don't need to be attractive too."

Shocked at his casual dismissal, Liv is quiet for a moment before asking, "What do you mean you're not attractive? What kind of mirrors have you been looking in?" 

He rolls his eyes at her in the mirror, toothbrush in one hand, toothpaste in the other. 

"Rafael. Seriously. You might think I'm biased now, but even when we first met I thought you were attractive. Hell, you would blush if you heard the things Amanda and I said about you after Harris introduced us."

"Did it involve crackers?"

Olivia laughs loudly, wrapping her arms around his waist from behind. "That's classified girl talk but it was definitely favorable." She starts placing kisses on the nape of his neck, working her way over to his ear. When he straightens after spitting and rinsing, she takes the lobe in her teeth and tugs gently. He moans, feeling the pull in his groin. 

She pulls back just enough to whisper, "You could not only eat crackers- I'd let you eat croissants; without a plate."


	3. I can't believe we didn't find each other until now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt 43 from mcgarrygirl78: I can't believe we didn't find each other until now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of foul language.

Her vision is spotty, and she can barely breathe. The room is dim, but she can see the man next to her on the mattress in her peripheral vision, chest heaving. 

They're both naked, breathing hard, and sweaty. Olivia Benson has never felt so alive. When the feeling returns to her extremities she reaches out blindly, grasping for his hand. She can't quite manage to turn her head just yet. 

Her partner doesn't seem to be faring much better, grunting and squeezing her hand in response. 

They lay side by side on their backs, only joined by their linked hands, trying to settle their breathing. After a solid two minutes of further silence, Olivia musters up the energy to roll onto her side toward him, meeting his eyes. She can't hold back the smile, doesn't want to. 

He returns her smile, and laughs. "Eso fue increíble."**

She smirks. "Oh no, I fucked you into your native language."

Barba smirks back, continuing in Spanish. "You certainly did. I  
swear to god, I've never felt anything like that. You are amazing."

She answers in English. "We are amazing. It's never been like that for me either. Jesus, Raf, I almost blacked out."

He's managed to catch his breath and regain control over his body, so he releases her hand and rolls away from her, grabbing the only blanket he can reach- her fluffy duvet. He pulls it up onto the bed and covers them both, snuggling into her. 

She fits into his side like a puzzle piece, and he can't help placing kisses into her hair. 

"I can't believe we didn't find each other until now," she whispers, savoring his loving touches and absently running her fingers through his chest hair. 

Rafael hums his agreement. "It was totally worth the wait."

"Yes, but we are definitely not waiting another three years to do it again!"

**That was incredible


	4. Why are you at my doorstep at 3am?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt 1 from thatsanf: Why are you at my doorstep at 3am?

She's so warm and cozy that when she hears the ringing of her phone, she groans out loud, not wanting to go out into the frosty morning air. 

But this is her life, and the ringtone is the one assigned to dispatch- she knows she won't be getting any more sleep tonight. 

After answering the call, she gets up to make a pot of coffee while she waits for the night nanny to arrive. She calls Carisi and Dodds, giving them the crime scene info and letting them know she'd be there soon. 

The case is a rape-homicide, and she knows she needs to call Barba as well, but wants to give him a few extra minutes of sleep. He's never in bed before 1am, so if she can delay just a little bit she will. 

Twenty minutes later she's dressed, drinking her second cup of coffee and pouring a third into a travel mug when she finally dials Barba. 

When the call connects she hears a faint ringing from the hallway. Furrowing her brow, she heads to the door but can't see anything from the peephole. 

After several rings Barba answers her call, and she can hear his voice in stereo. Liv takes a step back and unlocks the door, yanking it open. 

Her boyfriend falls into the doorway, his backrest having moved.

"Why are you at my doorstep at 3am?" she questions incredulously. 

He's lying flat on his back, looking up at her. He blinks at her, disoriented. "Uh, I wanted to see you and you didn't answer when I knocked and I didn't want to wake Noah?"

She sighs heavily, moving around his body to help him up. She rolls her eyes at the faint smell of stale whiskey on his breath. "Come on, the nanny will be here any minute. You can splash some water on your face and brush your teeth while I pour you a cup of coffee and find you some clean clothes."

He looks at her, very confused. "I thought we could go to bed? Is it morning already?"

Liv laughs. "Sorry champ, we are expected at a crime scene. It's 3:10 am and it doesn't look like you're going to see a bed for a while yet."

She takes his arm and leads him back to the bathroom, reminding him to be quiet lest he wake the baby. 

A few minutes later she's let the nanny in, briefed her on daycare drop off, and is ready to go. She has her gun, badge, and two cups of coffee- all she's missing is a certain sleepy ADA. "If he's in bed I'm going to strangle him," she mutters under her breath. She stops in Noah's room to give him a kiss goodbye on her way to retrieve Barba, but finds him leaning over her son and stroking his hair. 

Liv gives Rafael a soft smile and places a kiss on Noah's cheek. Straightening, she grabs Barba's hand and laces their fingers together, pulling him out of the room. 

In the hallway she pulls him into an embrace. "Thank you for loving Noah like you do," she says, kissing him gently.

"Thank you for letting me be a part of his life," he returns, stroking her cheek. "We have to go now, don't we?" he asks with a groan. 

"Yes," she answers. "But maybe next time you can actually get in the bed," she teases, pulling away from him and heading into the kitchen to grab their mugs. 

As they head out into the early morning chill, they're both thinking the same thing: everything, even getting called out in the middle of the night, is better together.


	5. It's been a long time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt 25 from grassysvu67:  
> It's been a long time since I saw you smile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is more pre-Barson than anything. Basically the events of season 17 have wreaked havoc on their friendship but I'm ignoring Liv being in a relationship with anyone for the purposes of this fic (nothing against Tuckson canon it just doesn't fit this story)

The winter seemed to drag on and on, snow coming in random storms well into April. New Yorkers were definitely used to this type of weather, but when the wind changed and tshirt weather was suddenly upon them, the city seemed to collectively improve their moods and head outside. 

Parks were full of cyclists, groups of friends playing every ball sport imaginable, and kids begged their parents to stay at the playground until dark. 

Rafael Barba found himself at one such park on a sunny Saturday morning. He was off the clock, and dressed accordingly in jeans and a long sleeved Henley tshirt, that he was regretting at the moment. The sun was hot, and he pulled up the sleeves in a attempt to cool off a little bit. 

He was sitting on a bench outside a playground area, focused on his phone so as not to draw a label of 'creepy single man watching a park full of children'. He was early as usual, and combined with Olivia's tendency to be late when she had Noah with her, he'd been waiting almost half an hour. 

Just as he opens his messages app to see if he can get an ETA on their arrival, a tiny child slams into his legs and yells, "Hi Raf! Hi Raf! Hi Raf!"

Rafael pockets his phone and reaches down to lift Noah onto his lap, returning the greeting. "Hey Noah. Where's your Mom, buddy?" he questions, looking up and down the path for Olivia. 

Noah looks instantly guilty and Rafael quickly asks, "Did you run away from Mommy?"

The little boy sticks out his lip and pretends he didn't hear anything. Without waiting for an answer he quickly stands, shifting Noah to his hip and starts scanning the crowds while pulling out his phone to call her. 

"You can't run away from Mommy, Noah. That's very dangerous. She's going to be really scar- Noah's with me," he says, switching conversations immediately when she picks up. 

"Oh thank god. He took off running through a crowd of tourists when he realized we were almost to you. My blood pressure is through the roof," she sounds anxious but not panicked. "I'm almost there. You're by the playground?"

"Yes. We're going to sit on the bench in time out until Mommy gets here, aren't we Noah?" He answers her and speaks to Noah at the same time. 

Liv sighs and says, "Thank you. Be right there."

It's not more than twenty seconds later that she approaches the bench, but Rafael immediately sees why Noah was able to get ahead of his mother, especially with a crowd of slow walkers on his side. 

Olivia is dressed in a long flowing sundress with strappy flip flops that don't look overly easy to run after a three year old in. 

"Noah Porter Benson. You are in big trouble," Liv says in her scariest 'Mom' voice. "Just because you are excited to see Raf doesn't mean you can run away from Mommy. You could have gotten lost or hurt! It's very dangerous. You need to sit here on the bench for five minutes in time out."

She plucks Noah from Rafael's lap and sits him on the bench with enough space for her to sit between them. "I want Raf! I want to sit with Raf!"

"No. You can play with Raf when your time out is over. That pouty lip doesn't work on me, sir." Noah keeps the lip out but seems to realize he's stuck with the punishment and goes quiet, crossing his arms. 

Liv sits down and turns slightly away from Noah, giving Barba most of her attention. "Sorry about this and that we're late. He's been wound up all morning. I made the mistake of telling him over breakfast we were going to meet you here and then go out for lunch. It's like I've been dangling a carrot in front of his face ever since."

He tries to smile at her but his stomach drops when she said she had lunch plans so it comes out more as a grimace. Of course she would- you don't dress like that for playing at the park. She probably has a date. 

She notices his change in demeanor but doesn't understand what she said to upset him. "Hey- you okay?" she asks, wanting to lay a hand on his bare forearm but restraining herself. 

Rafael takes a breath and exhales while nodding. "I'm fine. Just not enough caffeine this morning." 

Olivia knows that's not all it is but doesn't want to push- their friendship has been strained lately and she doesn't want to ruin their day; hopefully it's just getting started. 

"Well, if you want to watch Noah I can run over to the coffee cart and grab some- I can always use a cup, you know that," she offers. 

Rafael can't hold in a tiny snort. "I don't think you can run anywhere in that outfit, Liv," he teases lightheartedly. 

She smiles. "What, don't you like it?"

Rafael's cheeks turn the slightest bit pink. He ignores her question. "It's okay, I'll just grab one on my way home. Noah doesn't intend to slide all day, does he?"

Now it's Olivia's turn to be disappointed. She thought they had plans for playing at the park and then lunch. Apparently they weren't on the same page. 

"Oh. I thought you were going to join Noah and I for lunch. Remember I told you about that new place and then we made plans to meet up today? Sorry, I shouldn't have assumed..." she trails off, embarrassed. He probably has yachts to sail and sold out Broadway shows to attend- basically the opposite of Saturday with a toddler. 

"Oh, I didn't realize. I uh, I thought you might- have a date," he says, thrown off a bit, and indicates her dress. 

Liv lets out an awkward laugh. "Just with a grumpy ADA and a hyperactive three year old."

Rafael smiles for real then, sliding his hand over to squeeze her knee. They make eye contact and he blushes at the fond look she's giving him. He quirks an eyebrow in response. 

Liv places her hand on top of his, lacing their fingers together. "It's been a long time since I've seen you smile."

The moment is broken when Noah whines that he's been in time out FOREVER, and their attention shifts to the little boy. 

After Noah apologizes and promises to stay with his mom, the trio heads to the playground and spend the next few hours alternating between the slides and the swings. When Olivia declares it's lunch time, Rafael doesn't hesitate when Noah asks to be carried- lifting him up on his shoulders with surprising ease. 

As they walk out of the park together, Rafael reaches over and takes Liv's hand. They're both thinking the same thing: 'I could get used to this.'


	6. Niña

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was a inspired by a sort of prompt by sassy-ada-barba a while ago but I never posted it. 
> 
> Barba rocking his newborn daughter while trying to do research.

"Shhh, baby girl, shhhhhh. Papì has work to do and Mamì really needs to get some rest before you need to eat again," Rafael croons while gently cradling a five day old Catalina against his chest. 

She is fussing- not full on crying yet, but definitely not happy. 

"What is it, my darling? You have a full belly, I just changed your diaper, are you cold? You shouldn't be- this is a very snuggly..." He pauses as he tries to think of the word for what she's wearing, "outfit...you have on. And Mamì showed me how to do the swaddle wrap for your blanket...what else could you possibly need, sweetheart?"

Rafael's experience with babies was limited, and he had never even held a newborn, much less been put in charge of one. But he was eager to learn, and had been reading any book he could get his hands on in preparation for his daughter's arrival. 

So now here he is, pacing the floor in the living room trying to get Catalina asleep without waking Olivia or Noah, and mentally going through what he learned about soothing techniques. 

One theory sticks out that made a lot of sense: the first three months of after birth are basically the 'fourth trimester', so mimicking experiences from the womb can be calming for the child. 

"Hmm, it's not very womb-like around here, is it, mi sol? What can we do about that." He moves around the room turning off all the lights, only the hallway nightlight illuminating the space now. 

"Darkness like the womb? Check," he knows he sounds ridiculous but it's become a habit to speak to her constantly- the books also say it's good for her development. 

"What else? Noise...I don't have a radio to make static and I don't want to wake anyone with the vacuum cleaner like they recommend in the book...I wonder if there's a white noise app?"

He shifts the baby slightly to get at his phone in his pocket, carefully maneuvering her into the crook of his arm so he can type. 

"Shh, there we are, lovely. It's just loading now. Ugh, I already put in my iTunes password. Okay, one more time. There we go. Now it's loading. Aren't you tired? You've had a very long day of eating, sleeping, and generally being the cutest thing I've ever seen, you must be exhausted."

While waiting for the app to download, he starts swaying back and forth, hoping that the movement will soothe his daughter. 

Her mewling has quieted down to a few random snorts, but he goes ahead and turns on the app regardless, placing it in the pocket of his sweat pants so the baby can hear it. 

He slowly and carefully shifts her higher in his arms so he can see her face better. 

"There we are, Catalina. That's better, huh? Go to sleep now, cariño. Papì loves you more than he ever thought was possible," he places a gentle kiss on her forehead, not wanting to disturb her but unable to hold himself back. 

A tiny twitch of her body lets him know that she has fallen asleep. 

He remains in the same position for a few minutes- baby in arms, white noise coming out of his pocket, swaying from side to side, and idly wonders how he's going to get any research done like this. 

The thought is fleeting, and for the next hour, he tries halfheartedly a couple of times to put the baby in her bassinet, but stops if she makes even the slightest noise or movement. 

'Hmm, it's not my fault she's comfiest in Papì's arms,' he murmurs to himself with a smile. 

Finally he settles into the rocking chair, able to give the baby the movement she wants and himself the back support he needs. 

That's where Liv finds them when it's time for Catalina to nurse again- snuggled together and both sound asleep with their mouths slightly open. 

Pulling out her phone, she takes a few pictures, posting one to Instagram, captioned 'Like father, like daughter'.


	7. You don't get to trample on my feelings like that

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt 24 from thebarsonyatch, 'You don't get to trample on my feelings like that'

"I think it's best is we go our separate ways. I try to keep negative influences as far away from my son as possible. You don't get to trample on my feelings like that more than once."

Considering she's currently naked, draped all over him, and repeatedly running her fingers through his hair, Rafael doesn't take her words at face value. 

"Really, Liv? I just said I wasn't really in the mood for pizza," he chuckles, tangling his fingers in her sweaty hair. 

"I heard you the first time, no need to repeat it. How can you call yourself a New Yorker? I'm pretty sure if there isn't a pledge at birth to eat pizza at any time of the day or night there should be."

He laughs louder, chest shaking and causing Liv to shift off of him, wrapping one of the blankets around her chest and sitting up. 

"Olivia, mi amor, please..." he whines, groaning when she gets up out of bed and puts a robe on. 

"I'm starving. And I want pizza. So I'm going to go call Vinny's and have an actual slice of heaven delivered to my door. If you would like to take the pledge 45 years late, feel free to join me," she smirks, turning and tying the sash on her robe. 

Navigating through her contact list, she finds the number for Vinny's and dials on her way to the kitchen. She hasn't even finished placing her regular order (large pepperoni and bacon with extra cheese) when Rafael's arms wrap around her waist from behind. 

After she confirms the address, he takes the phone from her and tosses it onto the counter. 

In between placing kisses on her neck, Rafael starts speaking seriously. "I, Rafael Barba, Assistant District Attorney for the borough of Manhattan, promise to accept the offer of pizza at any time of the day or night from this moment on."

Liv turns in his arms, smiling widely. "Well now that you've taken the pledge, I guess you can stick around a little while longer."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize this prompt was probably supposed to be angsty, but I just wasn't feeling it. So, happy, naked Barson instead.


	8. Distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shockingly I managed to keep this at <300 words! Prompt from thebarsondaily: Distance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place after 'Nationwide Manhunt' and 'The Song of Gregory Williams Yates', the two part crossover with Chicago PD.

Something had changed, and Rafael didn't know exactly when, but he needed her. Needed her to know. 

It wasn't so much the not seeing her- they occasionally went three or four days only communicating via text or phone calls due to their busy schedules. 

It was the distance; the feeling that if something happened he was just so damn far away. 

Olivia's trips to Chicago seemed to be happening more and more frequently. It was bad enough when they were chasing Yates in New York but when she followed the manhunt to the Midwest, he didn't sleep the entire time she was gone. Voight being the most reckless cop he had ever met didn't help his anxieties. 

Rafael was relieved to get her message that Yates was dead, and practically skipped out of his office after she told him she was waiting on the next flight home. 

Even hearing Voight's gravelly voice in the background didn't dampen his mood. 

He didn't want to wait any longer than necessary, so he hailed a cab to Newark. By the time he got there, figured out her terminal, and managed to get inside the arrivals area it was time for her flight to arrive. 

When Liv emerged, she looked exhausted. Pushing through the crowd, Rafael called her name and waved, drawing her attention. 

She did a double-take. "Barba? What are you doing here?"

"This," he breathed, reaching out to cup her cheek and kiss her. She didn't hesitate, dropping her bag and wrapping her arms around his neck. 

A few hoots and hollers cause them to break apart slightly, foreheads still touching. Liv opens her eyes and smiles, "That was new."

"I can't hold back anymore, Liv."

"You don't have to," she says, pulling him into another kiss.


	9. Divorce?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by a tumblr discussion about a Barson divorce. I'm sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set in the future, Noah is 6-8ish, Rafael has been working in the private sector for a few years.

"What are you doing?"

His voice startles her- she hadn't heard him enter the apartment. 

"I'm packing. Noah and I are going to stay with Don for awhile until I can find a place for us."

He's stunned into silence for a few moments, until he's able to gather his thoughts enough to put together a coherent sentence. 

"Stop. Please, if you really want to go ahead with this, I'll leave. I don't- I can't-" he sighs and starts again. "I don't want to disrupt Noah's routine more than necessary."

Olivia stops throwing random clothes items into her suitcase, but doesn't turn toward him. 

"If this is some ploy to make it look like I threw you out of your home then-"

He cuts her off, "No! Is that really what you think of me?"

"I don't know what to think anymore, Rafael. I never thought I'd be in this situation, let alone in this situation with you."

He sighs. "I just want to make things as easy as possible on Noah. No ulterior motive."

"Thank you," she says stiffly, and sinks down onto the bed next to her half filled suitcase, tears filling her eyes as she looks up at her husband. 

"How did we get here?"

The question hangs in the air, Rafael not knowing what to say. 

"Right. That's how," she says, huffing out a breath and making her way out of the room, not sparing a glance for the sharply dressed man. 

"Liv..."

"Don't bother. I'm going to get Noah from the after school program. Please have your bag packed before we get back. We'll talk to him after dinner if you can manage to stick around that long."

Rafael sighs at the sound of the door practically slamming shut, and thinks about how the hell they got here. 

Silence. Too many late nights at the office. A misunderstanding that spun out of control. His refusal to go to therapy with her. 

That was the nail in the coffin that now holds the remains of their marriage. 

Despite Olivia's truly remarkable recovery after Lewis thanks mostly to Dr Lindstrom's regular sessions, Rafael had steadfastly refused to attend couples therapy. 

After a lifetime of shoving his feelings down and a childhood where showing weakness and emotion got him the belt more often than he was willing to admit, the thought of therapy makes him nauseous. 

Of course, if he was able to explain all the reasons why he couldn't go to therapy to his wife, she would most likely be understanding and cut him some slack. 

If he could be that open, they probably wouldn't need therapy in the first place though. 

So he's left her thinking that she and their son aren't important enough to him; that the life they've built together over the last six years isn't worth fighting for. 

The reality is, if she continues on this path and actually files for divorce, he's not sure how he'll handle it. 

He'd never felt totally loved and accepted by anyone other than his grandmother, and then he met Olivia. Thinking of facing the rest of his life without her by his side makes him nauseous. 

The thought of only seeing Noah every other weekend and possibly alternating holidays makes his knees go weak and he sinks down to the floor in the doorway of the master suite. 

He stays there until he hears a key jiggle into the deadbolt on the front door. 

Noah's chatter can be heard through the door, even across the apartment. 

The sound of his son gives him the motivation to get up, and he realizes he didn't pack anything. Another thing Olivia has asked of him that he didn't do. 

He meets them in the kitchen, Noah giving his dad a high five on his way to put his backpack in his room. Rafael misses the days when he got a running hug and a sloppy kiss. 

Olivia eyes his suit, saying, "Are you headed back to the office? I thought you'd have changed while I was gone," and moves past him to grab a pan of lasagna from the fridge and place it in the oven. 

Rafael shakes his head, then realizes she's not looking at him. "No, I just didn't think to change."

"Good, I told Noah we needed to talk to him tonight. I don't want to drag this out."

Rafael takes a deep breath and musters the courage to say, "About that- can we-"

Olivia abruptly cuts him off, "No! You said you would leave; I want Noah to feel secure in his family, and that includes letting him know when big changes are happening. He's not a baby anymore, he's going to realize what's going on."

"Liv, please. Look at me," he pleads, voice low, not wanting to attract Noah's attention to the altercation in the kitchen. He waits patiently for her to stop fussing with the oven, take a deep breath, and turn around. The tears in her eyes are like a knife in his heart. 

"We haven't talked this through- I don't want to walk away from us, and before you say anything I know you don't either. It's my fault we haven't spoken, I know that. But please, can we talk tonight? And then we'll talk to Noah tomorrow," he pauses, then adds in a hopeful tone, "if we still need to?"

She can see the desperation in his face and it reminds her of how much they've been through. Always together. 

She sighs, and agrees. "I don't know what can possibly be said tonight that will change things that drastically, but fine. I'm the one who's been fighting for us all along, Raf. Remember that." 

He doesn't have a chance to reply before Noah thunders into the room, announcing he's staaaarving. 

Liv reaches out and pulls her son into her side, kissing the top of his head. "Lasagna just went in, baby. It'll be about half an hour. Grab a snack for now."

Noah heads to the snack cupboard and says, "Mom, can I watch the new Power Rangers? Jaden says it's on Netflix." 

"Sure. Just until dinner's ready though."

The normalcy of their interaction is almost overwhelming to him, but Rafael realizes just how long it's been since he had made it home before dinner for these simple, precious moments. 

"Grab enough for me too, Noah. I want to see how the Power Rangers are going to save the world this time."

Noah looks at his father, surprised. "Really? I thought you were going back to work. You still have your fancy clothes on."

Rafael didn't think he could feel worse, but the mixture of surprise and hope on his son's face has managed it. 

He swallows hard, avoiding his wife's knowing gaze, and says, "Yeah, buddy. I'm home for the night."

"Cool! Come on, I wanna show you my Lego city! Mom got me a new part and I waited for you to build it!" he takes off down the hall to his room, yelling for his dad to hurry up. 

Rafael reaches for the forgotten rice cakes and is heading out of the kitchen when Liv says quietly, "I got that for him three weeks ago."

He stops, tears springing to his eyes. Still looking away from her he whispers, "Olivia- I'm saying this now, and I swear I'll show you that I mean it." He turns back to her and continues, "Things are going to be different. I already made a big change at work; I will be home for dinner, no more working all hours, Noah won't have to wait like that ever again. And," he hesitates for a moment, clearly struggling with something. "I called Lindstrom, we have an appointment scheduled for next Tuesday. I know you say don't make a promise you can't keep- I never have and I don't intend to start now. I promise- I am putting you, Noah, and our family first, second, and third."

He reaches out to squeeze her hand just as Noah skids back through the doorway. 

He takes one look at his parents- faces both serious and fighting back tears and asks, "What's wrong?"

Rafael is still trying to gather himself when Olivia turns to Noah, still holding Rafael's hand, saying, "Nothing's wrong anymore, sweetie. We were just figuring out some grown up stuff. Come on, Dad's just going to get changed before you guys get into your Lego." 

She ushers Noah out of the kitchen and back into his room, pulling Rafael along by his hand. 

She guides him into their room, noticing that everything is in the exact same place she left it, including her suitcase, and lets go of his hand to slide the blazer off his shoulders. Tossing it into the dry cleaning pile next to the closet, when she looks back at his face there are tears sliding down his cheeks. 

"Why?" he whispers, brokenly. 

She shrugs, smiling sadly. "Because I believe you. And I love you. All I've wanted is for you to be here and work with me to fix this. Us."

She quickly strips him down to his undershirt and boxers, and moves over to his dresser. 

She presses a pair of sweatpants into his hands, and a quick kiss onto his cheek. 

"Here, Noah's waiting. I'm going to go throw together a salad- I'll come get you two when dinner's ready. "

"Liv?" he calls after her. When she turns around he continues, "I love you too."

She gives him a small smile, but one that reaches her eyes for the first time he's seen in months. 

"I know you do. That was never in question. We'll discuss things more later. Go enjoy some time with our son," she encourages before heading back to the kitchen. 

He can hear Noah from the other room yell, "Dad! Come on!"

"Be right there, Noah!" he calls back, pulling his sweats on quickly and reaching for a hoodie to ward off the chill of the evening. 

"All right, your building assistant is here, reporting for duty," Rafael announces as he enters his son's bedroom. 

He cherishes the exasperation in his son's reply, and has a goofy smile on his face all evening- the first in too long he's spent entirely with his family. 

He knows it's not going to be easy; he's not looking forward to telling Olivia that the 'big change' at work was actually him quitting, but Rafael Barba doesn't give up without a fight.


	10. I can't believe you did this to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt from @all-things-raul-esparza, Pregnancy: I can't believe you did this to me

It's been a rough night. Barba is working late at Hogan Place, and Noah has been in rare form, bouncing off the walls and being generally the opposite of his usually even tempered, sweet self. 

Finally, with her three year old bathed and tucked into bed, Olivia is able to collapse onto the couch and breathe. Her rest period lasts only eleven minutes (not that she's counting) before the "morning" sickness kicks in, and she has to run for the bathroom. 

Which is where her boyfriend finds her a short time later, forehead resting against the cold of the tub; sweaty and clammy and with tears dripping down her face. 

"Liv?" Rafael questions, coming into the room and dimming the main light, knowing the bright light doesn't help but she was probably too sick to reach the switch. 

She just grunts in response, exhausted and not moving in hopes of keeping the nausea at bay. 

He removes his blazer and tie, hanging them on the back of the door before sitting down next to her on the floor, lightly running his hand over her back in a soothing manner. 

They sit like that- quiet, in the dim light- for several minutes before Liv feels the nausea leave as quickly as it came. She lifts her head, and holding her arms out for a hug says grudgingly, "I can't believe you did this to me."

He smiles at her, scooting closer and pulling her into an embrace. "I know, I can't believe it either." His voice is full of awe and wonder. 

She pulls back to glare at him and smack his shoulder. "Don't sound so proud of yourself. I'm not talking about the fun stuff. I'm talking about the mood swings and the swollen ankles and puking three times a day and crying uncontrollably when Noah says he loves me and being horny and hungry all the time and-"

He stops her with a finger on her lips. "I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this by yourself, that I don't get to share the load for the not so fun parts, but I won't apologize for getting you pregnant because it's the best thing I've ever done and I love this baby so much..."

This time she's the one to cut him off, with a kiss. Letting her lips linger on his for a moment, she uses one hand to lift her shirt and the other to bring his hand to rest on the small bump of their baby, kissing him again then whispering through a smile, "I can't believe you did this to me."


	11. First Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael experiences his first kiss with a Benson.  
> Written for the weekly drabble prompt 'first kiss' from @thebarsondaily on tumblr.

As far as first kisses go, it was definitely unexpected. And a little sloppy, to be honest. 

Rafael is frozen, arm raised for a high five, crouched on the floor just outside Olivia's living room. Noah, having just planted a juicy kiss on the lawyer's lips, returns to his mission of removing every single toy from his toy box. 

After a moment, Rafael blinks. "He kissed me."

Olivia moves in front of him, pulling him to his feet. "He loves you, Raf."

"I... He... I do too... But," he stammers, clearly thrown by the young boy's actions. 

She gives him an adoring look, and stops his rambling with a kiss. She takes his hand and pulls him over to the couch, snuggling into his side. 

They're quiet for a few minutes, watching Noah and enjoying the rare moment of peace. 

Olivia breaks the silence. "You okay?"

"Yeah. I mean, I knew Noah liked me- I'm here all the time, it's probably just exposure. But- he's never done that before; you're the one who gets hugs and kisses, I always get high fives."

"He doesn't just like you, he loves you. And it's not just because you're here all the time. It's because you love him...and you show him that when you play with him and read to him and talk to him like a person."

He sits up, pulling away enough so he can see her face. "I do love him. And you. I love you, Liv."

She smiles widely. "You've never said that before." She leans up and they share a tender kiss. "I love you too."

Noah looks over from his toys and yells, "Love you Mama, love you Raf!"

They share a laugh and Rafael answers. "We love you too, Noah!"


	12. A Proper Goodnight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written for the weekly drabble prompt from the tumblr @thebarsondaily - goodnight

The first night, she felt off from the time she arrived home, but couldn't put her finger on why until Noah asked for him to read his bedtime story. 

Olivia sighed. "Sorry, buddy. Rafa's not coming tonight. I can read it to you."

Noah shook his head, and put the book back on the shelf. "Mama read puppy book."

The second night, she knew what to expect, but it still didn't feel right. His absence was prominent, and both mother and son were subdued. 

The third night, Noah cried, "Miss Rafa. Want Rafa!" for twenty minutes straight, then finally cried himself to sleep. Olivia could only hold him, whispering reassurances that Rafa would be back soon. 

The fourth night she was on the evening shift- Lucy would pick Noah up from daycare and take him home. Olivia felt guilty at her relief that Lucy would be handling bedtime. 

Letting herself into the apartment, instead of finding Lucy on the couch, she finds Barba- sound asleep. 

He stirs when she rakes her fingers through his hair, and wakes when she straddles his lap; wrapping his arms around her and murmuring sleepily. "Sorry I fell asleep and ruined the surprise."

She sighs and sinks into him, burying her face in his neck. "I don't care about being surprised I'm just happy you're here."

"Well, it's been too long since I said a proper goodnight."

"Mmmhmm. You're not allowed to go out of town without us again. Noah missed you."

He smirks. "Just Noah?"

"Maybe I missed you too. Just a little. Come on," she stands, pulling him to his feet. "If you're not too tired, I'm in the mood for a proper goodnight."


	13. Don't Say Goodnight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: goodnight, from thebarsondaily weekly drabble prompt

They lay curled up together- legs entwined, his chest pressing into her back and his arms around her. She's absently playing with his fingers. They are enjoying the silence and closeness of post-coital bliss. 

Rafael nuzzles his nose through Liv's messy hair and places a few chaste kisses on the back of her neck. Her stomach drops. She knows what's coming next. 

"I'm gonna go," he whispers, starting to untangle himself, like he's done every time they've done this before. He takes a breath but before he can say anything she grabs his arms and cuts him off. 

"Don't. Don't say it, and don't go."

"I thought you were asleep," he says, immediately stopping his movements. 

"Almost. But I want you to stay," she argues. "Don't say goodnight."

He smiles and tightens his arms around her. "How about I say good morning instead?"

A sleepy smile breaks out over her face, and she turns in his arms so she can see his face. 

"That's perfect," she says, leaning in for a languid kiss.

"I'll have to get up early to go home and change before work," he warns. 

"How early is early?" she questions, settling her head next to his on the pillow. 

"6? If I can be out the door by 630 I won't even be late."

Olivia laughs lightly. "Noah is up every morning at 545 like clockwork. 6 is sleeping in around here. Think you can handle it?" she teases. 

He smiles and replies, "I look forward to finding out."


	14. Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael asks Noah to keep a secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Future fic, established Barson.

"Noah, do you remember the difference between a good secret and a bad secret?" Rafael asks as they walk hand in hand down a busy Manhattan street. 

"Uh huh. Good secrets are for surprises but if someone is hurt or being mean or touching and says it's a secret then that's bad and I need to tell a grownup."

"You're right. Now, I have a good secret that I need you to help me with."

Noah starts bouncing up and down, excited to be part of the plan. "Is it ice cream?"

Rafael smiles, the four year old definitely has a sweet tooth. "No, it's more important than ice cream."

Noah looks up at him skeptically, unsure anything is more important than ice cream. 

"I need your help asking Mommy a very important question."

Noah looks up and down Fifth Avenue, not seeing his mother anywhere. "But she's not here. How can we ask her a question if she's not even here?!"

Rafael guides Noah to the edge of the sidewalk and crouches in from of him, placing a gentle hand on Noah's shoulder. "That's where the secret part comes in. We need to buy Mommy a present to help ask the question. But it's a big secret, you can't tell her about the present until I say it's time to ask the question, understand?"

Noah nods very seriously. "Uh huh. I won't tell 'cause it's a good surprise secret."

Rafael smiles and pulls Noah into a quick hug. "Thank you, buddy. Alright, let's go find something almost as pretty as Mommy."

Taking Noah's hand, Rafael turns and walks into Tiffany, ready to make the most important purchase of his life.


	15. Forgive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt 'forgive' from thebarsondaily tumblr.

Rafael Barba has a reputation for his oratorical skills. He's talked his way out of many less than ideal situations, but has never felt this incompetent. 

"Olivia, mi amor. Please...I don't know what else to do, to say. I already said I'm sorry. I promised it won't happen again. How long are you going to hold this over my head?"

"I don't know, Rafael. Maybe as long as I have to cover up the massive hickey on my neck!" Olivia hisses into the phone. 

He sucks in a breath when his fiancée calls him 'Rafael'. He'd always been simply Barba, then when their relationship changed she started calling him Raf, sometimes Rafi. Rafael was reserved for two very different situations: the throes of passion, or when Olivia was extremely frustrated with him. 

He knew he got carried away during their love making the night before, but it wasn't until the morning that she noticed the love bites. He's been paying the price ever since. 

Rafael sighs. "I was calling to see if I should pick Noah up, I'm on my way home now."

"Lucy's already got him, she texted a few minutes ago."

"Alright," he's disappointed, he loves being the one to get the little boy from daycare. "I guess I'll see you later?"

Olivia can hear the sadness in his voice and hates that she's the cause. She pauses, swallows her anger that's masking embarrassment, and says, "Soon. I'm wrapping up now. You know, Raf... the road to forgiveness is paved with chocolate caramel espresso cake."

Barba grins, relieved. "Hmm. What if I throw in a back rub and control of the remote?"

"You're on the right track, Counselor. You'll figure it out. Love you."

"Love you more." 

"What, are we teenagers now?"

"Well you do have a hickey...too soon?"


End file.
